‘Accelerated decrepitude.” - Pris, Blade Runner

One hour, eight minutes, and fifty-eight seconds into the movie Gremlins, Zach Galligan and Gizmo get into a Volkswagen Beetle. When they turn the radio on, the needle is sitting between the numbers nine and eleven.

Forty-five minutes and thirty-three seconds into Independence Day, the camera zooms in on Jeff Goldblum’s alien-killing laptop as it displays a countdown to flying saucer destruction. Nine minutes and eleven seconds to go.

Three minutes and twenty-five seconds into Mel Gibson’s The Patriot, his character weighs a newly crafted chair. Nine pounds, eleven ounces. He sits in the chair, and it collapses.

Freaked out yet?

How about this? Six years ago this month, the World Trade Center towers were attacked on September 11th. Nine plus one plus one equals eleven. Each tower had 110 floors, a multiple of eleven. The plane that hit the Pentagon was American Airlines Flight 77. 77 is a multiple of eleven. The first place flown into the WTC had eleven crew members and carried a total of 65 people. Six plus five is eleven. September 11th is the 254th day of the year. Two plus five plus four equals eleven. The name “New York City” is made up of eleven letters.

Within less than a decade, numerologists and conspiracy theorists have torn apart the 9/11 mythos. Such shining lights of intellect as Rosie O’Donnell and Charlie Sheen have been asking tough questions. On an episode of The View (before she was canned, of course) Rosie wondered how fire from a burning jet could possibly melt the steel structure of the WTC towers. To many people, the towers look to have been purposefully demolished, and they question whether the official story could be true.

To Mr. Sheen, a rag-tag bunch of box cutter-wielding Saudis couldn’t possibly organize such a massive and murderous maneuver. It’s just too complicated. Wouldn’t it be simpler if George W. Bush and his Legion of Doom remotely controlled the planes into the twin towers and the Pentagon? How hard would it be to fake cell phone calls from terrified passengers? Or arrange for explosives to be detonated up and down the towers? Or pay an internationally known gang of Jihadist terrorists to accept responsibility? Just follow the trail of power. Bush needed a pretext to destroy our civil liberties and rule the country with an iron fist. How else would he have been able to eliminate our freedom of speech, dismantle our court system, and force us to feast on the baked flesh of our loved ones? Surely someone with such a firm grasp of the English language as our Mr. President possesses a criminal mind dastardly enough to perpetrate such a scheme.

You’re saying we still have freedom of speech? Well, we’ll just see about that. Laura Bush smells like poopie pants.

Oh, I guess you’re right. Still, you can’t argue with Rosie or Charlie or anyone else who understands what really happened that fateful day. Unless, of course, you’re Dr. Robert T. Carroll, author of The Skeptic’s Dictionary and all-around smart guy. He’s written a comprehensive and irreproachable essay on the fallacies of the 9/11 conspiracies, which really do seem to be gaining more and more disturbing support. There’s nothing I could write that would match it, so do yourself a favor and go read it. It’s called 9/11 Conspiracies: The War on Critical Thinking, and it’s available here.

About The Amateur Scientist: Brian Thompson is a professor of amateur science at a major imaginary university. He has been able to read and write for over seventeen years.

Never miss an update. Subscribe to Pink Raygun by Email or subscribe via RSS