The Mountains We Climb

Opinion by Jerry Stout.

We think we�ve come so far. Torture of heretics, burning of witches, it�s all ancient history. Then, before you can blink an eye, suddenly it threatens to start all over again.�Captain Jean-Luc Picard, Star Trek: The Next Generation, The Drumhead.

It�s the start of a joke right? What do Paris Hilton, Buffy, the internet, and Dua Khalil have in common? For the past few days, my mind has wondered about the punch-line, I have searched for answers in a world where few are readily available, and though it started as a joke, my curiosity enveloped something much deeper and more sinister than a joke ever could.

I�ve been a part of the internet fandom of Buffy the Vampire Slayer since August of 2005 when I caught a re-run of Buffy on FX, and though I have had an interesting time debating the themes and meanings of the show, what became readily apparent after only a few weeks within the fandom were the battle scars of wars long since past. Quickly, a newbie to the fandom learns that there are certain topics and issues that are either outlawed on different websites or best steered clear of when posting thoughts or feelings about the show.

Since August of 2005, I have learned those lessons, painfully at times, but mostly, I have been able to navigate the fandom without the headache and hassle that some of the fandom provides. Of course, I say that now knowing full well that just over two months ago the final nail in my coffin was slammed into place, I decided then that I could not be a part of the fandom of Buffy the Vampire Slayer any longer, and as I have come to learn, it is a decision that many people have made over the years.

In a discussion about Xander and Anya on Television Without Pity�s Buffy board, one poster wondered aloud whether there was an element of gender playing out within the discussion, one that inhabited traditional conceptions of gender roles in society, and whether that warranted an entirely new look at the ongoing debate on the board. In agreement with the poster and writing under the screen name “twwguy”, I too wondered whether there might be something useful to gain from a discussion about gender roles, but almost predictably, the discussion turned to one about tone, about needless and baseless assumptions about the genders, and a worry amongst some of the posters of being thought of as only �uterus� or �penis�.

After much debate, another poster wondered whether something might actually have been accomplished if knee-jerk reactions had not occurred in response to the original post or if the original post had maintained a less confrontational tone, and it was then, after agreeing with that particular poster that something interesting happened. For the board itself lit up with angry people who did not like my tone and who generally attacked not what I was saying but the manner in which I was saying it.

In response, I crafted a hate-filled reply, one born of my inner disgust of these people, one that sought to put these people in their place and to set things right for the slight I had just received, and honestly, I came very close to actually posting it. But as I was about to hit reply it occurred to me right there how incredibly incorrect this would be, not only because it was against board rules and it may have been hypocritical but because of what the response made me as a person.

Like a wave of revelation, I understood at that moment the very notion of restraint and tone, I understood how this post would affect the board, but more importantly, I understood what the post itself would make me if I went through with posting it. I would become the philosophical and rhetorical equivalent of Rush Limbaugh, Michael Moore, or Bill O�Reilly taking their enemies to town on the crest of harsh words and anger-filled rhetoric, I would become part of the problem in America today, and whether my post was righteous or not, whether they deserved it or not (they didn�t mind you), whether I was free to post this or not, my sense of logic and reason told me that there were other aspects of this response that not only made me part of the problem but made me something and someone that embodied the hypocrisy I despised in this country.

So, I shelved the response, posted something much less angry, apologized for my actions, and took leave of the fandom as I pondered the events which had brought me to that pivotal moment.

I think we all have those moments, those moments when we learn something about ourselves through arduous and sometimes painful discoveries, and for me, it was on Television Without Pity that I began this sort of existential and philosophical journey that this essay would become. And as I made my way through the fandom, I came to understand that the problem I faced both within and with out of myself was one that we all face, it is a problem deeper than a simple discussion that went awry on Television Without Pity, it encompassed the nature of celebrity, the nature of the fandom, politics, and the state of our union today.

Inherently, it�s the ultimate divide, the divide between faith and logic, idealism and realism, pessimism and optimism, intellectualism and anti-intellectualism, and most importantly, Socrates and Nietzsche. Of course, it isn�t that simple either. We live in a world of division, of nihilism, a world where everything from politics to television seeks to divide, and the worst part is that we are willing participants in the politics and economics of fear. We wrap ourselves in patriotism in the name of fear, we stand up only to be shouted down because we happen to disagree about the very nature of patriotism, and then we are subjected to a President who embraces the notion that we are either with him or we are with the terrorists, and it�s then that we divide ourselves between those who wrap themselves in the flag and those who choose to fight for what that very patriotism and freedom represents.

The division I speak of is quite simple, it�s the social revolutionary versus the staunch patriot who is allowed to stand only because the guy next to him stands, it�s the idealist against the realist, the optimist against the pessimist, and in today�s social climate, it�s all a product of fear and a search for meaning amidst unbearable tragedy. Like V from V for Vendetta, I understand why we did it, I understand why we felt the need to embrace something, hell anything, but in our need to embrace meaning and purpose we sacrificed that part of ourselves that was most important:

Our faith in humanity.

A faith that the guy standing next to you doesn�t necessarily have to agree with you in order to be a patriot, only that he has to be able to argue what he believes to be true, a faith that freedom and democracy don�t mean anything unless those who disagree aren�t ostracized and beaten down for their beliefs, and a faith that those who stand next to you are and can be your brother or your sister, no matter what they believe or what they argue.

In the end, a fundamental change has occurred on our world stage, we�ve forgotten that if we give people the knowledge of what is right and the power to make their own choice, that those people will intrinsically do the right thing. In other words, our trust and faith in humanity lacks the most basic of understanding, we ourselves lack the knowledge and power that we deserve, but more than that, we have lost our love of our fellow person and that is the single greatest problem that I believe we face today.

Of course, it�s not something that�s entirely new; it�s something that imbues philosophy, television, and celebrity with the power of division and nihilism. I have never experienced a more divided fandom than that of Buffy the Vampire Slayer; it�s a fandom that experiences shipper wars, wars between star and creator, wars about the final two years of the show, and nearly everything else in between. So it is here that I will begin to undertake this journey, here where I will examine how pop culture and modern society fit together, and here where I hope to affect change in the only way I know how.

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