Richard Hatch seems like a nice enough guy as long as he’s working. Take the promise of a paycheck from him, though, and he tends to freak out. Case in point: his initial reaction to the Sci-Fi Channel’s new Battlestar Galactica re-imagining. Years before the new show came together, Hatch had been working on his own version of Galactica. Called Battlestar Galactica: The Second Coming, Hatch’s show would star himself as Commander Apollo, the same character he played in the original ’70s version. He even went so far as to write, produce, and co-direct a trailer for The Second Coming to help sell it to the networks. When his idea was rejected in favor of Ronald D. Moore’s updated Galactica miniseries, Hatch let fly with a sticky torrent of bile from his website. The Sci-Fi Channel was pissing in the faces of all the fans of the original. This new show was a slap in the face. Total disrespect. Oh, and Starbuck is a girl now? But a penis was so intrinsic to the character!
The thing is, the original Battlestar Galactica was really, really bad. The space effects were good – even great for the time – but the show itself was really just Bonanza in space. The premise – that the last surviving humans are on the run from an angry race of genocidal robots – was squandered to the point of irrelevancy. Moore’s re-imagining would turn out to deliver on that premise in spades, using it as a backbone to explore issues of religion, responsibility, and even the war on terror. Hatch’s angry dismissal before even seeing the new show stank of sour grapes. It sounded like the desperate cries of a man fearful that his only chance at a payday in the near future was floating out the door.
But all of that’s behind him now. I spent the morning of Comic-Con’s first official day (and second actual one) sitting in on Hatch’s Battlestar Galactica panel. Since the premiere of the new show, Hatch has been playing a recurring character and co-writing several Galactica novels. He knows where his bread is buttered now, so there was no sign of hostility toward the new show, of which most of the audience were fans. In fact, during the Q&A, a shaky-voiced woman took the microphone to say she was such a fan of the original show that she couldn’t bring herself to watch the new one. Perhaps Bruce Springsteen simultaneously entered the room, but I think it’s much more likely that this woman was booed more loudly than I’ve ever heard anyone booed before.
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This lonely fan of the horrible (who, I’m willing to wager, also owns several more cats than she should) did, however, compliment the new show’s music, which was featured prominently in the panel since Bear McCreary, the composer, was also sitting in. McCreary’s music is powerful and different from anything else heard on television at the moment. It’s a big part of what makes the new Galactica so emotionally powerful. In fact, the last few minutes of the most recent season’s finale were edited almost as a music video to McCreary’s re-working of Bob Dylan’s All Along the Watchtower, capping off what became one of the greatest season finales I’ve ever seen.
The focus on McCreary’s music was also a welcome distraction from Hatch’s near-constant stand-up comedy routine. He seemed to be going for a record with the inappropriate orgasm jokes, which makes one wonder about the fulfillment he’s receiving in his own sex life. Maybe I’m being unfair to Richard Hatch, but when he brought up the impending end of the new show, he quickly made known his desire for some kind of continuation. Hopefully, I’m sure, one starring and ghostwritten by himself.
A quick sprint down to the convention center’s first floor, a surreptitious cut in line (one woman noticed and tried to say something to me, but I just looked around like she was talking to someone else), and I was in Hall H for the Paramount Pictures panel. Supposedly, there is some kind of maximum capacity set for Hall H by the fire marshal, but the number must have too many zeros to fit on a sign. If a fire had erupted during the panel (which was a real possibility what with the proximity of lightsabers and Mountain Dew bottles), there’s no way anyone could make it through the tiny exit doors without a couple of wishes and a genie.
Paramount wisely decided to put their worst foot forward and opened the panel with an appearance by the director, writers, and star of their new movie Hot Rod. Apparently these guys are responsible for Saturday Night Live‘s digital shorts, which, I learned from the director, are very popular on the Internet. Since I have a sense of humor, I haven’t watched Saturday Night Live in about a decade. However, I had no choice but to watch the clip from the movie they insisted on showing. In it, Andy Samberg, the film’s star, goes through the paces of a mugging Footloose “parody”, and then he falls down. Look, if I wanted to watch D-list celebrities falling down, I’d just tune in to CNN’s entertainment news.
After Sandberg and company were, unfortunately, unforcibly removed from the stage, a quick succession of tantalizing sneak peeks followed. Neil Gaiman and Roger Avery showed some footage from their new motion capture animated adaptation of Beowulf. It uses a similar technique to the Polar Express film from a couple of years ago, though Beowulf seems thankfully free from any Satanic appearance by a dead-eyed Tom Hanks facsimile. Here’s hoping director Robert Zemeckis can pull himself away from counting his money long enough to find some subtext in the movie.
That’s right, Forrest Gump was as shallow as its main character’s brain.
Tim Burton didn’t appear, but we were given a glance at the teaser poster for his upcoming Sweeney Todd musical. There were lots of grays and blacks and loopy things. Oh, and Johnny Depp. Good to see Burton’s growing as a filmmaker.
Next, J.J. Abrams ran across the stage, yelling something mysterious about his upcoming monster-destroys-New York movie with no title. Frankly, as long as the monster isn’t a guy in a rubber suit, I’m not interested. Didn’t Taco Bell make a two-hour long commercial with Matthew Broderick and a computer generated Godzilla a while back? Don’t we ever learn any lessons? When the smoke clears and this movie finally comes out, I’ll eat crow if the monster has floppy fins and a noticeable zipper. And if the movie turns out to be an Uwe Boll-directed adaptation of the Rampage video game, I’ll eat an even bigger crow.
Jon Favreau showed off some footage from his Iron Man movie, and I have to say I peed myself a little. I’m no Iron Man fan. The only Iron Man comic I’ve ever owned came in a comic book grab bag from the Sears catalogue when I was nine. I think he rescued some kids on a roller coaster or something. He always seemed like a faceless character with a convoluted history and more armor changes than a Cher concert. But watching Robert Downey, Jr. in the title roll, I felt a little giddy excitement. I’ll watch that man in anything – even a mechanical suit. And there’s just something about seeing a guy in yellow and gold armor dog-fighting a couple of fighter planes that gets me in the nerd core. If my free Iron Man t-shirt weren’t two sizes too large and itchier than a Brillo blanket, I’d wear it proudly.
As you’ve probably heard, there’s a new Indiana Jones movie coming out. George Lucas is producing again, though I don’t think we’ll get to see Indy as a bratty little kid with abandonment issues. It’s sponsored by the AARP, so everyone should probably buy a ticket just to support the cause.
J.J. Abrams returned to the stage to talk about his new Star Trek film. He brought out Zachary Quinto, the new Spock, who looks a lot like Leonard Nimoy if Leonard Nimoy were an Abercrombie & Fitch model. Fortunately, he also brought out Nimoy himself, so we could compare. I have mixed feelings about the fact that both Quinto and Nimoy will be playing Spock in the new movie. Obviously the script will be using some sort of flashback format, but if it isn’t old Kirk and old Spock walking hand-in-hand through a soft-focus meadow and cooing about their romantic youth, I’ll be disappointed. Since Deep Space Nine ended, I’ve read better homoerotic Star Trek fan fiction than anything produced by Voyager and Enterprise. There are expectations to be met, you know.
The Star Trek presentation was actually the final one of the panel, but I’ve saved Stardust for last. Based on the book by Neil Gaiman and Charles Vess, Stardust is a Princess Bride-esque fantasy coming out later this month. Of course, I was more interested in the appearance by Jane Goldman, the movie’s screenwriter.
Jane is a curvy, scarlet-haired goddess. I squealed with delight when I saw her bound onto the stage. Luckily, my squeals are too high-pitched for the human ear, so I just looked like I was having a mild seizure. Jane hosted British television’s Jane Goldman Investigates, where she looked into the claims of the pseudoscientific and believers in the paranormal. She is the stuff an amateur scientist’s dreams are made of, which is why I risked my life and hygiene snagging a pass to the Stardust preview screening Thursday night.
I arrived two hours early to the AMC theater at Horton Plaza, pass in hand, ready to test the bounds of Jane’s personal space. When the nice old lady camped out at the halfway point of the fourteen mile line snaking from the theater entrance told me I had to exchange my pass for an actual ticket, I nearly smacked her across her wizened, yet youthful, face. When she showed me her ticket and said they’d run out three hours before, I did, in fact, smack her in the face. Fortunately, I can think on my feet, so I claimed there was a particularly vicious-looking bee loitering on her cheek. Yes, she thanked me. And yes, the guilt still stings.
Stay tuned for part 3, wherein I really do fall in love with Kate Beckinsale even though I know I told you that would be in part 2, which was obviously a lie, so I’m asking you to trust me this time. Plus, a special appearance by Sean Hannity!
About The Amateur Scientist: Brian Thompson is a professor of amateur science at a major imaginary university. He has been able to read and write for over seventeen years.
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Brian Thompson is a professor of amateur science at a major imaginary university and a regular blogger at CHUD. He has been able to read and write for over seventeen years. 
All very interesting…look forward to part 3
all very clever, sir. I’d like to encourage you to keep up the
good work, but there’s a point I have to make here:
bruce springsteen rocks my world, and should he ever suggest
that I meet him in atlantic city, I’d be there. an undeserved slight.
still, I am also looking forward to part 3.
It was not so much a slight as a reference to the similarity in Springsteen fans’ chanting of “Bruuuuuce!” with the sounds of a booing crowd. However, I do have a bone to pick with the E-Street Band, as I feel strongly there is no place for a saxophone in rock and roll music.