Buffy for Beginners 1.5: Never Kill A Boy On The First Date

The beginning of this episode has one of the best postmodern lines ever: �I�m Buffy�and you�re history!� Such a good line, in fact, that it�s part of an essay title in Fighting The Forces: What’s At Stake In Buffy The Vampire Slayer. Season One may not hold up to all the seasons following, but as a cohesive unit, it has one of the best narrative arcs and stand alone episodes. Especially this one. Chock full of witty repartee, it�s a definite fun-filled language fest.

Buffy and Giles, on her previous patrol, find a ring and begin to surmise that something�s a brewin�: The Order of Orelius. This is the episode we are introduced to the prophecy of the Anointed One, and of course, Owen. He�s lost his Emily (Dickenson that is, quite a good poet for an American according to Giles) and quite passively aggressively insults Buffy�s intelligence. He�s sensitive, yet manly. I�ve got to say “barf.” I mean, seriously. But Cordelia and Buffy are vying for his attention, and, of course, yet more great lines of dialogue: in the cafeteria, Buffy and Cordelia attempt to sit at Owen�s table and Cordy bumps Buffy off. �Boy,� Buffy says, �Cordelia�s hips are wider than I thought!�

While the girls are concerned with boys, Giles is concerned with the Anointed One. But Buffy has a really important date. The dark forces are aligning and that night, they go into battle. But Giles miscalculated, and Buffy follows her hormones all the way to the Bronze. Owen cannot know her true identity as the slayer, so Buffy puts away her button that says �I�m a Slayer, Ask Me How!� (If you don�t have one of these, get one!).

The cheese factor of the episode is the bus accident with the crazy spouting religious ideology. Puh-lease. At the Bronze, Buffy sees Owen and Cordy dancing and promptly leaves. A bus accident occurs and the Anointed One is made�.from a child. At school the next day, Buffy pines for Owen and his Owenocity, while she acts a little overly sensitive at having no social life.

We get to see more of the Master here, arguably one of the best big bads of the series. It�s too bad that he was only around for one season. Later, at Buffy�s, Giles shows up before Owen to inform Buffy about the van accident and the Anointed One, while Buffy defends her right to date. This is her maiden voyage, and, as she says, �A cranky slayer is a careless slayer!� And then the one of the best all-time pieces of dialogue of the entire show: �If the apocalypse comes, beep me!� You know, back when beepers still existed.

While Cordy sees Buffy and Owen at the Bronze, Giles decides to do a little slayer work of his own at the funeral home where he�s chased by vamps. Owen and Buffy�s date is reminiscent of the movie, when, at the end, we see Pike and Buffy dance after killing Lothos. Interesting parallels between the movie and Joss� vision of how it was supposed to be. When Angel shows up at the Bronze, Cordy sees Angel and says �Hello, Salty Goodness!� I have to say, I agree with her. He�s definitely all-around tall, dark, and yummy.

Angel, Buffy, Owen, Xander and Willow decide to take a field trip to the funeral home where Owen follows out of curiosity. Morbid much? While trying to keep Owen alive, Buffy battles the newly vamped religious crazy from the bus accident, and mistakenly thinks he�s the Anointed One. He�s definitely creepy as he hunts them through the funeral home as he sings �Pork and beans, Pork and beans!� Pork and beans? During the battle, Owen gets knocked out and Buffy fights the vamp and replies, �You killed my date!� and promptly throws him into the cremator. He gets drilled, grilled, and burnt to a crisp.

The episode ends with Owen creeped out by Buffy�s eventful slayer life, until he sees her at school the next day and asks to see her again�but only because he wants to almost get killed to feel alive. With great power comes great responsibility and sacrifice. We feel our way as we go along, not just in slaying, but in life. And the Anointed One still lives.
About Sabrina: As a kid my dad would sneak scary movies past my mom and let me indulge in his horror movie fetish. I grew up watching V, Alien Nation, The Thing, The Fog (all originals) and then, in 1992 when Buffy the movie came out, I became obsessed with vampires, girl power, and all things gothic. I once stayed home from school, faked sick, and watched BTVS: the movie 6 times in a row. I know the beginning cheerleading dance by heart (still). Currently, I’m obsessing over Laurell K. Hamilton novels, and dream about Anita Blake being my best friend.

Buffy

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