I’m starting to think that a movie’s suckage is proportionate to the ridiculousness of the studio’s promotion stunts. Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer was promoted by illegal quarters and a 100 foot Silver Surfer in the London Eye wheel. If the studio has to go to that much trouble to generate hype, the movie has got to be pretty bad. I expected FF2 to be lousy, but I didn’t expect it to be so unbearably bad that I’d walk out of the theater before the movie was over.
I put up with a lot of crap from movies, especially if I’m paying to see them at the theater. But, after thirty minutes of FF2, I’d had enough and climbed over the packed theater to get out. I haven’t done that since Captain Corelli’s Mandolin in 2001, and this is why.
I didn’t expect anything Oscar caliber from FF2, but I do expect some freaking effort on the part of the filmmakers. Can the the writers try to write a script that doesn’t resort to The Thing belching for a laugh? Can the director at least try to get the actors to act? The acting was forced and unnatural all around, the script sucked and the moments of humor were stupid. But, that’s pretty general and can be said for a lot of movies that I’ve sat through. Here are some more specific reasons from the first thirty minutes:
Laurence Fishburne as the voice of the Silver Surfer: Fishburne sounds like he’s trying to sell his voice as otherworldly, but it’s just Morpheus.
Jessica Alba and Ioan Gruffudd: Alba should serve as a beacon of hope. Alba proves that a girl can build a successful acting career based on nothing but amazing abs and great ass. Gruffudd isn’t a horrible actor, but he doesn’t sell Reed Richards as super brainy. It’s like watching Derek Zoolander try to act smart by acting socially inept.
Jessica Alba’s Make Up: With the eye make-up and freaky blue contact lenses, she looked like Turnpike Hooker Barbie.
 |
 |
The Thing’s Blind Girlfriend: Worst. Blind. Chick. Ever.
Tim Story: It takes a very talented director to make the Silver Surfer and the destruction of the Earth boring. I don’t think I’ve seen this level of end-of-the-world boredom since Deep Impact. Thanks, Tim.
With the first movie, I went into it expecting it to suck, and was pleasantly surprised. I went into FF2 thinking, “I probably won’t hate it.” That’s barely an expectation and Fox and Marvel couldn’t even live up to that. I hope this movie tanks, but it will probably be a hit.
Never miss an update. Subscribe to Pink Raygun by Email or subscribe via RSS
Lisa Fary's earliest influences are Princess Leia, Rainbow Bright, Astronaut Barbie, and her 6th grade teacher, Ms. Palmer. She's angry that it's 2011 and she still doesn't have a hovercraft, but will accept a jetpack as consolation. That jetpack had better be pink with a rhinestone monogram. 
Totally agree. This was a terrible film.
And you’ve been quoted.
Thanks, you just saved me $6. Not that I was really planning on seeing the movie before it hit Blockbuster, now I’ll avoid it till it’s on TNT and I have those wonderfully campy commercials to look forward to.
Anything I can do to help!
i disagree.
this may have been the best super hero movie
since the originall bat man in 1989.
X-Men 2
Hellboy
The Crow (the first one, not the degenerative sequels)
Mystery Men
Spider-Man (and Spidey 2)
I don’t see how FF2 holds up in the face of these other superhero movies that have come out since Tim Burton’s Batman.
LOL, you review is very funny. I never get tired of your writing style, so much fun to read.
Believe it or not I liked it the movie and had a good time watching it. Loved the camp level and dynamics of the dysfunctional team. This movie will never will any awards but I had fun watching it.
Keep up the good work.
Fan,
Frank in Dallas