It’s Hard Out There for a Dad

Being a dad has got to be tough, especially with the fatherly role models on television. Sit-com dads are mostly wandering village idiots who would be eating out of a trough if it weren’t for their wives. Drama dads often play second fiddle to the mom. Science fiction has much better dads; dads who are scientists and starship captains and tyrants. So, who in sci-fi is a good dad? Who has the parenting skills to deal with a treasonous daughter, an idiot son, or a raging astral projection of dad’s own conscious?

He’s a Good Dad!

Ming the Merciless- He didn’t put up with any crap from Aura. He gave Aura freedom to be herself, didn’t give her a hard time about her revealing clothes, and when she crossed him, he grounded her. OK, so he exiled her to Fridgia for a year; that’s still good parenting. Marrying her off to Klytus was a little extreme, but his nickname is “The Merciless”. I wonder how my childhood would have been different if my dad was “Bob the Merciless”.

Dr. Edward Morbius- Yeah, his subconscious wiped out his entire expedition and some rescue workers in Forbidden Planet. But, he also died protecting his daughter, Altaira, from his raging id of destruction.

Captain Kirk- He would have been an awesome dad to David if Dr. Carol Marcus had given him a chance. David’s mom shut Kirk out of his life, which was a mistake because Kirk had so much knowledge to pass down to the next generation. Who taught David what to do when your mirror universe double tries to take over the ship? Who taught David what to do when you’re staring down the business end of a Klingon d’k tahg knife? No one. And that’s why David only lasted through two movies.

He’s a Bad Dad

Darth Vader- He was a whiny, obnoxious, brooding liar before his kids were even born. What does he do when he meets his daughter for the first time? He mind probes her. And what about poor Luke? His dad is a deadbeat for years, then when Luke shows some promise of success, Vader is all “OOOHH! That’s my boy! We’re gonna rule the galaxy!” Then he cuts the kid’s hand off and wonders why he doesn’t want to play with daddy. Saving his son from one wild Emperor just doesn’t make up for all of the “Future Moisture Farmers of Tatooine” events Vader missed because he was out pillaging the galaxy.

Yeah, I know there was that nonsense about Anakin thinking Padme was dead and not knowing she was pregnant with twins, but that’s no excuse for being a deadbeat, especially when the Force is so strong in him. Shouldn’t he have “felt” the kids’ very existence? And shouldn’t Anakin have “felt” the presence of two babies in Padme’s womb? If not, is Lucas seriously telling me that, with all that technology, Padme’s OB/GYN couldn’t tell she was having twins? You know, it’s good that Luke and Leia were taken away because their parents were selfish, self-indulgent liars. Could you imagine the jerks they’d be if raised by the likes of Padme and Anakin?

Admiral Adama- Admiral Adama always looks like he wants to shoot Apollo in the head. He’s lucky enough to have his son survive the extermination of the human race by the Cylons, and somehow, he’s still disappointed in everything Apollo does. Granted, Apollo is a screw up and a lousy son, but still. Would it be so hard for the Admiral to say “You’re a screw up, but I still love you”? Just once?

He’s Probably a Dad

Commander William Riker: This guy spent almost every vacation on Risa, where casual sex is the planetary past time and boned who knows how many women (of several species) in his time as first officer of the Enterprise D before finally convincing Deanna Troi to marry his middle-aged ass. He could have dozens of mixed species offspring around the Alpha Quadrant.

Yoda: A chap who lived for 900 years surely spawned some younglings of his own. Pokey ears and backward syntax your baby has, wants to talk to you Yoda does.

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