Buffy for Beginners 1.4: Teacher’s Pet
Buffy for Beginners is back with a new writer: Sabrina Boyer. Sabrina is a Ph.D. student in Education and Cultural Studies, a huge fan of pop culture – especially any that deals with bad ass women with weapons – an angry feminist, a disgruntled English teacher, and all around Buffy fanatic. She has organized a Buffy lecture series, co-chaired a Buffy conference at UNCG, and taught a course on Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
Last time it was a psycho cheerleader witch, this week we’re talking full on exorcist twist. The episode opens in Xander’s dreams, where instead of the slayer saving Xander, Xander saves her, and then slays her with his wicked guitar playing only to wake up drooling on the table in science class, where Buffy, Xan and Will are learning about the praying mantis (not a religious affiliation). The science teacher speaks to Buffy as a person (imagine that) and teaches her that knowledge really is power, and she’s worth it.
Later, at the Bronze, Xander has his masculinity questioned by the hip, cool jocks who are bragging about their conquests. Xander has to defend his “scorecard” and gives the jocks a visual by hugging Buffy and Will, when Angel (tall, dark, king of pain-y) gives Buffy a cryptic warning about the “big fork guy” on the loose.
And then these boots are made for walkin’ and filled with a new science teacher named Natalie French (fyi: this actress also made cameos on Babylon 5 and Star Trek: Voyager) who Xander goes gaga over. French makes googoo eyes at some of the male body, including Xander. He and jock de jour get picked to make “model egg sacks” after school with the teacher, but later agree to meet at her house.
During lunch, however, Dr. Gregory’s beheaded body is found in the cafeteria walk-in cooler and Buffy, Will, Xander and Giles remember Angel’s riddle about the “big fork guy” and begin to surmise that these two are related. We are reminded that we are on the Boca del Infierno, and this is a site of all things wiggy.
That night, on patrol, Buffy searches for Silverware Man, fights, (actually Claw Man), gets interrupted which leads us to find our favorite insect, Ms. Well-proportioned French, walking alone, in the dark. The vamp fork guy sees her, prepares to attack, but gets scared away by her icy glare, and Buffy witnesses his retreat into a nearby sewer. Buffy informs Giles, and gets sidetracked by Mr. (I’m your friend, not your principal) Flutie to share her feelings about finding Mr. Gregory in the fridge.
Then, because Buffy misses class due to her “I’m OK, you’re OK” session, she misses a quiz, peers into the classroom, and here we have the full-on exorcist twist. Ouch.
Buffy and Will notice that Mr. Athlete isn’t in class that day, and sternly tells Giles she’s “gonna do her homework” to find research on things that turn their heads all the way around. Meanwhile, Xander goes to meet Ms. French to make egg sacks (where FYI we learn his middle name is LaVelle) and, in her most coy voice, tells Xander to meet her at home.
Because her clothes scream predator, Buffy and Giles begin to suspect Ms. French, and Will finds out that shock jock never came home after his little tryst with Ms. French. Buffy confronts Xander, but Xan thinks Buffy is jealous, and rejects that it might be Frenchie’s pheromones attracting his attentions. Oh, and Angel really “bugs” him.
That night Frenchie answers the door in a little black dress, drugs Xander by drink (those villainous vixens!) and drags him to her bugtastic lair, where she mates with males, and then bites their heads off. Nice. Xander and Wade are holed up behind bars, while Buffy and gang think Xander is safe at home and find out Frenchie’s nickname is She-Mantis, a.k.a. Virgin Thief.
Just in time, Buffy breaks into She-Mantis’ lair using the keen senses of Fork Guy, slices, dices, and saves the day. Xander must candidly admit to his virgin status, and they agree never to mention that again. In a nice circular fashion, Buffy saves Xander instead of him saving her (a commentary on gender relations). The moral of the story? It’s OK to be a guy and a virgin. And it’s OK to have a chick save you from a bugtastic death. In the last scene, Buffy mourns the loss of Mr. Gregory, and we see a shot of unhatched eggs in the science closet. Don’t you just want to say ooooh?
About Sabrina: As a kid my dad would sneak scary movies past my mom and let me indulge in his horror movie fetish. I grew up watching V, Alien Nation, The Thing, The Fog (all originals) and then, in 1992 when Buffy the movie came out, I became obsessed with vampires, girl power, and all things gothic. I once stayed home from school, faked sick, and watched BTVS: the movie 6 times in a row. I know the beginning cheerleading dance by heart (still). Currently, I’m obsessing over Laurell K. Hamilton novels, and dream about Anita Blake being my best friend.
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Oh I love it : ) Good choice in writer I must say. This makes me wanna whip out my DVDs and watch this episode again. Ya know what, I think I will.