Interviews from APE: Corpsemaker Kevin Klemm

While I was transcribing this interview with Kevin Klemm, I was eating the most amazing cookie from Starbucks (pumpkin chocolate chip, half dipped in chocolate; it’s a mutated bastard of a cookie) which helped lift my mood out of the sludge pit it had been in for two days. I was actually quite peppy while I listened to the recording of Klemm talking about dead bodies. That may be the winning combination that keeps Poopy Lisa at bay: corpses and cookies the size of my head.

I should add that during this interview, we overheard one of the principals behind the Girls and Corpses table say, “If I didn’t know better, I’d think that was a real corpse on the cover,” indicating that, like Girls and Corpses Magazine, this interview is for comedic effect.

So, who is Kevin Klemm?

Kevin Klemm: I procure corpses for movies, TV, haunted attractions and Girls and Corpses Magazine.

Pink Raygun: What kind of methods do you have to go through to procure these corpses?

KK: We have various free trade agreements with third world countries that kind of trade bodies for comic books or blue jeans. I have certain deals with morgues and that sort of thing. Robert Rhine gives me an order and I go ahead and get the bodies for him.

PRG: How do you get into this particular line of business?

KK: Actually, I got started with my business getting corpses and monsters and that sort of thing for haunted attractions. So I did a lot of work for House of Shock in New Orleans, which is co-owned by the lead singer of Pantera, and they’re known as the most extreme haunted house in the country. So, I got my start doing that. Then Robert wanted to borrow one of my corpses for Comic Con to draw people to the booth. When that happened, so many people came up and wanted to get their pictures taken with the corpses, that was the genesis for the idea of Girls and Corpses Magazine. He came up to me and said, “How would you like to be my partner in this literary endeavor?” He said “I’ll provide the girls, you provide the corpses.” It was kind of like a marriage made in Hell. I have to be perfectly honest, when he approached me about it, I was like “I don’t know how this is gonna fly,” but its actually proved to be very popular.

PRG: When you import your corpses are they at various stages of decay or do they all come in pretty fresh and you let them age for a while?

KK: It really depends on what you order. Robert will come up with a photo shoot and he says “I want something that looks very decrepit, like it’s been sitting around for a hundred years.” So, I go ahead and put out an order for something like that. Usually the older ones are a lot cheaper to get than the fresh ones. I was interviewed by Girls and Corpses Magazine and let out a secret that a lot of people don’t know. The corpses in the CSI show are real. Basically, we go ahead, and Hollywood doesn’t want people to know that, but people can look and tell a fake corpse from a mile away. So, you make deals and get all these real cadavers and they use them for the show. I make some money, the morticians make some money, and they’ve got a cadaver for the show.

PRG: I’m sure guys out there are gonna want to know this. If a guy dies, would he be able to donate his body to Girls and Corpses Magazine?

KK: Absolutely. We actually all have clauses in our contracts then we die, we get to be in the next issue. If Robert goes before I do, I’ll probably do a shoot with him in some embarrassing positions just to mess with him because he won’t be able to fight back. We’re always open to it. They have the organ donor program, and people donate their bodies to science, people can go ahead and fill out a form and donate their bodies to Girls and Corpses Magazine and then even in death, they get to hang out with beautiful women.

For more on Kevin Klemm, visit his website, where you can also buy a custom cadaver and corpse-themed home decor. Be sure to check out Kevin’s work in Girls and Corpses magazine.

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