The SciFi Channel: Television for Women
With the success of Lifetime’s supernatural drama Blood Ties and the looming premieres of The Bionic Woman on NBC and The Sarah Connor Chronicles on Fox, the SciFi Channel is actively developing new programming to retain their current female viewership and draw more women to the creatively confused cable channel. Pink Raygun has gotten a hold of the SciFi Channel’s fall line up of “female-oriented” programs, which consists almost entirely of re-imaginings of well loved shows.
This fall, the SciFi Channel presents a re-imagining of. . .
The Golden Girls: Sarah Conner, Ellen Ripley, an Alien Brood Queen and Bea Arthur share a fallout shelter and scavenge for love and cheesecake in post-apocalyptic Miami.
Murder, She Wrote: Lindsay Lohan is Jessica Fletcher, a sassy mystery writer who gets tangled in real-life mysteries while looking for love and cheesecake in space.
Sex and the City: Four high powered Manhattan women in the year 2765 develop mutant abilities that allow them to lead crazily indulgent lives without ever having to do a lick of work.
Gilmore Girls: Hot mother and daughter duo, Lorelai and Rory, are on the run from Lorelai’s evil, robotic mother in post-apocalyptic Connecticut! They search for love and cheesecake and find both with Luke, the gruff, yet ruggedly handsome hunter whom Lorelai will consume like the praying mantis bitch she is.
Ally McBeal: Flighty, emotionally unstable lawyer in post-apocalyptic Boston searches for love and runs from cheesecake while her mental state slowly becomes unbound, demonstrated by a series of vivid fantasy sequences which indicate that she’s really the Imperious Leader of the Cylons.
The Nanny: The naked chick from Species takes a job nannying for a spoiled brother and sister on New Manhattan, a space station located in the rings of Saturn. She searches for sustenance and a healthy male with whom to reproduce (ie. love and cheesecake) while her plucky charges try to trick her into wearing clothes. The sister is, anyway. The brother digs the Nanny’s natural look.
Designing Women: Four women who had previously been interior designers set their sights on the more profitable business of designing female pleasure droids in post-apocalyptic Atlanta. The challenges of the workplace are intermingled with their personal struggles with searching for love and cheesecake in a world populated with mutated men and cows.
Desperate Housewives: In a post-apocalyptic world, mutated housewives sleep around, raise snotty kids and get snarky, while searching for love and cheesecake. Starring the naked chick from Species, the naked chick from Lifeforce, the half naked chick from The Fifth Element and Princess Aura from Flash Gordon.
And the single SciFi Original series. . .
The Adventures of Boobs O’Doom: A saucy librarian goes in for breast reduction surgery, only to have her procedure taken over by a mad plastic surgeon who replaces Miss O’Doom’s breast tissue with high tech gadgets, effectively turning one into a mind control device and the other into a Swiss Army boob. No love, no cheesecake, just boobs.
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I like your take on Gilmore Girls – sad to see the finale is this week – my take is at http://mytvmusings.com/2007/05/13/gilmore-girls-series-finale/
Wow! What a line-up! I can’t wait.
You did miss one though:
Helo and Apollo’s Oil Wrestling Challenge. On H&A’s, handsome Sci-Fi male stars go head to head in an oil wrestling challenge. They do this topless and in boxer-briefs. Week One’s Match-ups include: Nathan Fillion (Firefly’s Captain Mal) Vs. Ben Browder (Farscape’s Crichton and SG1’s Capt. Mitchell), Jaimie Bamber (BSG’s Apollo)Vs. Tamoh Peniket (BSG’s Helo) (gotta have that namesake match up) and Keith Hamilton Cobb (Andromeda’s Tyr) Vs. Jason Moma (Stargate Atlantis’ Ronen).
Future battles: Adam Baldwin (Firefly’s Jayne) Vs. Steve Bacic (Andromeda’s Rodhe), James Callis (BSG’s Dr Baltar) Vs. David Hewlitt (Atlantis’ Dr. McKay), Richard Brooks (Firefly’s Jubal Early) Vs. Callum Keith Rennie (BSG’s Leoben)
Imagine the possibilities!!!!
Come on, a girl can dream can’t she?
At least it’s not Dancing with the Battlestars?
*Looks up a BlackEyedGurl’s comment*
Uh…what she said.
Get Peter Krause (The Lost Room), Milo Ventamiglia (Heroes) and Matthew Fox (Lost) in that line up and we’ve got ourselves a show.
Can I add James Marsters vs. David Boreanaz to the line up. I’m still all bothered from the panel in S8 pt. 3!
ROFLMAO *clutching sides* *can’t breathe* too funny