You’re Accepted to the Pink Raygun School for Wayward Girls!
In honor of National Teacher Appreciation Day
Congratulations! Your foul actions and rotten attitude have granted you entry to the Pink Raygun School for Wayward Girls. We offer a rigorous program in Galactic Domination includes such classes as Planetary Conquest, Manipulation of Lower Life-Forms, Alienation of Sub-Groups, and Hair Dressing so you may better fulfill your destiny as an imperious leader. Enclosed, please find your introduction to our school’s faculty and course offerings.
Yoda – Philosophy/ Combat for Little People: Yes, he’s technically a “good guy”, but he’s 900 years old and isn’t quite sure where he is anymore. At the Pink Raygun School for Wayward Girls, we have chosen to exploit Master Yoda’s weakness for our gain. You will receive a phrase book to aid you in translating his lectures, as he tends to speak with backwards syntax. Also, when he says things like “Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate; hate leads to suffering” or “Great warrior, hmm? Wars not make one great,” just ignore him. Those are the qualities we wish to nurture for your journey to galactic domination.
Severus Snape – Potions/ Dark Arts/ Verbal Combat/ Double Agentry: Our students who prefer a more magical approach to domination will take classes with Professor Snape. It’s recommended that students on the magical track brush up on creative insults and verbal defense before entering the classroom, as Professor Snape will rip you a new one just because he feels like it.
Laura Roslin – Politics: In this class, Laura Roslin will teach you how to use the legal system to gain power. You will learn the finer points of stealing an election, manipulating old military men who have an obvious crush on you and using religious fanaticism to inspire and control. However, Roslin thinks she’s an actual prophet and gets a little defensive about it, so don’t mock her Kamala habit.
Kara “Starbuck” Thrace – Flight Training for the Independent Conquerer: Until you are able to pay for or coerce an army to fight for you, you’ll need to actively capture small colonies independently. Starbuck will teach you how to fly a number of small to midsize ships for efficient and cost-effective conquering. Disregard any relationship advice she gives you.
Ralph Hinkley – Special Education: At the Pink Raygun School for Wayward Girls, we believe in an inclusive educational experience, and for those of you who need extra assistance, Mr, Hinkley, formerly The Greatest American Hero, is available. We’ve had to de-activate his suit for security purposes, but he keeps trying to be a hero. It’s very cute. Mr. Hinkley is a genuinely nice person and doesn’t fit in with the rest of the faculty; try not to make him cry any more than neccessary. Special education teachers are in short supply.
Our philosophy is that with the right education and the right shoes, a girl really can bend the galaxy to her will. The faculty and staff is dedicated to that goal and will nurture your dark side so that you may dominate and conquer in a way that it truly unique to you. Again, congratulations and welcome to the Pink Raygun School for Wayward Girls!
Please note, all mind control devices will be confiscated upon arrival.
Like what you see? Subscribe to Pink Raygun by Email, or Subscribe via RSS
|
|
Lisa,
As you mention you are a Black Adder fan, you will understand why I recommend this program as a preparation for Prof. Snape’s class. It does require a small understanding of English History to get some of the jokes, but most who have studied a little bit of the Elizabethian period will particularly enjoy the course in insult humour 101 and 102 contained within Black Adder II. Then you can try the advanced preparation in Black Adder III. (I and IV are more slapstick in nature overall).
-Rachel (who once was a student teacher)
Excellent suggestion. I’ve been looking for a reason to watch those again. . .