“Have you ever retired a human by mistake?” - Rachel, Blade Runner

I saw Buffy the Vampire Slayer when it was a campy movie with Rutger Hauer playing a vampire. I didn’t catch on to Joss Whedon until Firefly, so I never watched his Buffy series (I know, I’m a bad Whedonite, please stop throwing things at me). Luckily, Katie Renouard is coming to my rescue with her new Pink Raygun series, Buffy for Beginners. Kate will take us through every Buffy-sode from the very beginning, with recap and commentary, starting now.

Our tale begins with Buffy’s first day of school. After the movie, our good friend Buffy got kicked out of her old high school for burning the gym down. Now yes, it WAS filled with blood thirsty vampires , but that doesn‘t seem to matter. So she and her mother Joyce pack up and move to Sunnydale, California in her mid-sophomore year.

Role the credits and *bam* the episode begins. Some random guy brings his seemingly helpless date to, get this, SCHOOL! Its night time, they break in, the girl goes all fangs and nails, and guy gets eaten. His corpsefied remains get jammed into a locker. Ok, so in my book this guy had it coming. Who tries to be sexy by bringing a girl to his old high school? I would have bitten him too. So while this is going on, Buffy is snug as a bug in a rug in bed, having strange, yet graphic, dreams about death and vampires, and blood, and I think I may have seen zombies in there somewhere. So after the flashy nightmare sequence, Buffy awakes to find its time to start her first day at Sunnydale High.

Right off the bat, Buffy makes friends in her first class with Cordelia Chase, resident most popular girl in school. After class, Cordy helps Buffy locate the library so she can get her class assigned school books. Enter, the dashingly handsome librarian Mr. Giles. (Mmmmm, smoking hot British librarian .droooool.) He in turn freaks out poor Buffy by handing her a massive book on vampires instead of the assigned reading. After Buffy bolts she comes across our favorite geek, Willow and is soon joined by Xander and (red shirt) Jesse. Thus the Scooby’s began, (minus the red shirt.)

By the way, at this point in the episode I’m beginning to wonder about California’s Public Educational system. Students seem to have plenty of free time to roam and fight crime, or cause crime. Whatever.

Anyway, the body of the previously exsanguinated guy is located in said gym locker. After Buffy confirms it’s a vamp kill, she finds Mr. Giles and confronts him about the book thing and the body thing. Lo and behold, it turns out Giles is her new Watcher. (Guy chosen by a counsel of Watchers to teach, guide, and train the Slayer. Oh, and watch, don’t forget watch.) There‘s a back and forth about how Buffy doesn’t want to be the Slayer, and about her destiny. Blah, blah, blah. Anyway, Xander who was looking for a math book over hears the whole shebang, and is entirely baffled. After all, it‘s not everyday you hear someone talk about vampires, slayers, and the like. You know, unless they’re insane.

At the end of the day, Cordelia invites Buffy to “The Bronze�?, a hip all ages club on the bad side of town. So after school our intrepid hero changes her clothes and hoofs it over to the club. Along the way she discovers she being followed by a dark and handsome man. He spews some cryptic crap about the “mouth of hell�? and “the harvest�? then hands her a silver cross and leaves.

After getting to The Bronze, Buffy spots Willow, alone at the bar (drinking what I‘m sure is a Shirley Temple, cause hey, they’re still babies in Season 1.) After stealing Willow’s drink and inquiring after her and her friends, Buffy spies Giles lurking in the upper area. So after a short yap session with Giles about her duties, B looks down to see Willow leaving the bar with a vampire. (Gasp, shock, noooooo.)

After almost staking Cordelia by mistake (baboomcha) in her zeal to find and stake the vampire that‘s seduced Willow away from the Bronze. B runs into Xander who has some obvious questions about what he overheard in the library. So in lieu of explaining, Buffy simply takes Xander with her. Cut to this massive vampire guy chanting in a cave. Out of a pool of what looks like red fruit punch, a creepy looking vampire arises. The massive vamp (Luke) addresses the leather clad creepy vamp as “Master�?. The plot thickens.

Willow is located in an old crypt with the vampire guy. The vampire girl from the beginning of the episode shows up with Jesse (red shirt). There‘s monster to monster dialog about the coming big bad, they allude to the “Harvest�? and the “Master�?. In comes Buffy to the rescue. She stakes the vamp dude and kicks around the vamp girl (for future reference her name is Darla, It comes up again later…..a lot.) The Master’s giant vampire servant Luke comes out of nowhere at this point, hands Buffy her ass, and sends Darla off to recollect the escape victims to be, Willow, Xander, and Jesse.

The episode ends with a cliff hanger, it looks like Luke has Buffy down and is about to bite her, then it cuts to end credits. Very suspenseful stuff here people. To find out what happens next tune in the same bat time same bat channel and read my next episode guide. You know…or watch the show, your choice. I say do both.

Next: Buffy For Beginners 1.2 - The Harvest

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About Katie: “I’m a geek to the core. I love all things Joss Whedon, Star Trek, Doctor Who and Sci-Fi in general. As a crazed fan girl I enjoy staring soulfully at pictures of David Tennant, and watching the You Tube music videos of spiced Doctor Who scene’s and crappy music.You know what Im talking about. Never miss a Pink Raygun update. Subscribe to Pink Raygun by Email, or Subscribe via RSS