Is Marvel run by monkeys? Marvel clearly has no respect for the people who buy their comics. Either that, or Marvel is being run by one eyed monkeys with inner ear problems. For my own sanity, I have to believe that monkeys are responsible for Civil War #7, because Marvel wouldn’t disrespect me like that or debase themselves like that, right?
Civil War #7 is the worst comic I’ve ever read. It’s nothing but splash page after splash page with little dialogue. It doesn’t even look like the heroes are fighting. They’re posing. Heroes don’t pose!!!
When Cloak teleports everyone on page 7, he looks like he’s pooping out Miss Marvel. Mr. Fantastic and Sue Storm are positioned in such a way that they look like they’re having sex.
The dialogue that does show up is nothing short of brilliant. Brilliantly stupid! “I’m all ticked off and I brought my can-opener, Shell head,” Spider-Man says to. . . someone. What is that? Spidey’s flippant, but he’s not silly.
There’s lots of grunting in Civil War #7. “Ungh! Huff! Ugh! Agh!” And that was just me as I became more and more disappointed!
Now I have some questions about the events of Civil War #7. . .
So, The Thing happens to show up from France just as the big fight is happening? That’s a little too convenient, don’t ya think? Why is Sue’s costume only ripped on the ass? So, Cap just gives up and goes to prison? Tony Stark becomes head of S.H.E.I.L.D.? The Hero Registration Act prevails? The public is thrilled with the Negative Zone prison? Sue goes back to Reed?
Is there some secret government comic book publisher investigation underway with the purpose of rooting out those who would convert the nation’s youth into free thinkers? Into reasonable people who can look at both sides of an argument and decide for themselves what’s right and what’s wrong?
It looks like Marvel is trying to get people ready to accept a draft. Think about it. Heroes can comply with the Registration Act and enter government service, they can go to prison, or they can go to Canada. Can you think of another time when people were confronted with those options?
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Lisa Fary's earliest influences are Princess Leia, Rainbow Bright, Astronaut Barbie, and her 6th grade teacher, Ms. Palmer. She's angry that it's 2011 and she still doesn't have a hovercraft, but will accept a jetpack as consolation. That jetpack had better be pink with a rhinestone monogram. 
