Pink Raygun in Love
I hate every couple making googly eyes at each other every day, not just on Valentine’s Day, so I’m particularly critical of those relationships that show up on screen. And no, it isn’t because I’m miserable and alone, spending my youth typing away on the internets. It’s because most genre screen romances are just stupid. So, here is Pink Raygun’s look at screen couples in science fiction. There’s the good, there’s the bad, and there’s those who prove that love really is strange.
When It’s Good. . .
Han and Leia: A scoundrel and a princess is something out of Harlequin bodice ripper, but Han and Leia are a believable couple. He’s a dangerous bad ass, and so is she. Leia has the attitude and the smarts to deal with a guy like Han Solo. She knows how to use a blaster and is willing to get in the trenches for freedom. Han lets her be who she is and irritates her just enough to turn her on.
Worf and Deanna Troi: This was the cutest relationship on Star Trek: TNG. In an alternate timeline in a previous episode, “Parallels”, Worf and Deanna were married. Throughout the series, She always had a calming effect on him and could pull him out of even the scariest state of Klingon anger. Finally, in “All Good Things. . . ” everything started coming together. They were in the right timeline. The Borg weren’t attacking. Alexander wasn’t being a pain in the ass. They’re moving in for a kiss. . . then Picard stumbles out of the turbolift with some crazy story about time travel and ruined everything!!
Captain Picard and Vash: Vash was an archaeologist, kind of the Lara Croft of the Star Trek universe. They met on Risa, where Picard was vacationing and Vash was illegally raiding an acheaological site. She would never be wife or mother of the year, but she was just as independent, daring and adventurous as him.
Admiral Adama and President Roslin: Maybe it’s a consequence of being among the last of their species, but these two want each other BAD. It doesn’t have to be overtly said; there are a thousand little looks and comments that indicate it.
Hurley and Libby: This was a surprise for me, but it was cute when they started trying to date on the island. Hurley is such a nice guy, so I was glad he had somebody, even if it was only for one episode. I almost cried when Libby died, not because I loved the character, but I felt so bad for Hurley. She just went down there to get a blanket for their picnic! Damn you, Michael!
Alien and Predator: Not lovers, but the ultimate odd couple. Alien ( Abe) and Predator (Preston) are roommates in New York in this webcomic. It’s more of a friendly type of love. Man love.
. . . And When It’s Bad
Anakin and Padme: This was like watching two people in a Greek tragedy getting together for no other reason than that the Oracle at Delphi said it was destiny, so they went through the motions of a love story to it’s expected end. He’s an emotionally disturbed, mass-murdering punk- he killed all those Tuskan Raiders in Episode II- and she’s a politician.
I realize that George Lucas was trying to emulate the Han and Leia relationship with these two, and he got the surface stuff right. That’s about it. There was no grit in that relationship. There was certainly no passion. The whole thing was built on lies anyway, and lies have place in a good relationship. Could you imagine Han Solo lying about being in love with Leia? No. He would tell you to your face, then kick your ass for doubting him.
Will Riker and Deanna Troi: Eight seasons and four movies. That’s how long Will Riker strung Deanna Troi along before he finally stopped whoring around Risa and married her. Just for the record, Riker introduced an orgasm inducing game to the Enterprise-D; a game he picked up from some alien tramp on Risa. It was all a plot to take over the Federation, which was luckily thwarted by Data. Yeah, that’s a guy every girl wants to marry. What a catch.
Every other couple on BSG: Starbuck and Sam. Apollo and Dee. Tigh and Ellen. Baltar and Six. Let’s see. . . Starbuck and Sam: cheating. Apollo and Dee: cheating and neglectful. Tigh and Ellen: cheating and dead. Baltar and Six: radically co-dependent. Talk about toxic relationships!
Sayid and Shannon on Lost: Most ridiculous relationship ever. Sure, Sayid wants to get some honor back, so he tries to redeem himself a little by helping this blond pop tart. They’re stuck on an island. He builds her a hut from spare airplane parts and a tarp, and then it was love. He’s hot. She’s hot. I get that. But, that’s situational infatuation. Don’t hump my leg and tell me it’s love.
Alien and Predator: The ancient Predator hunting ritual is just a cover. The Alien Queen actually sold Predator’s comic books on eBay and used the money to go to Los Angeles to start an acting career, but she wound up working in porn. Naturally, there were problems with that. Predator just wants his Action Comics #1 back, and then all of Earth was at stake.
Of course, this isn’t a definitive list. Think I left one out? Disagree with me? Let it all out on the Pink Raygun Message Boards.
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A long time ago when me and my wife of 35 years where dating. My wifes mother called me JoAnn’s PAL (Personal Ass Licker) It was a long time before she told me but I was OK with it cuz I love her more than life! It has been almost two years that she has passed and I think of walking the mall holding hands like the old people do. God I miss that. Love is so good for the soul! Thanks for letting me talk.