Werewolves aren’t sexy. In standard fare, they go through a hideously painful transformation against their will on a monthly basis and go on a killing rampage. What’s happening to a werewolf isn’t her fault and we have compassion for that. Taking that aspect away and turning werewolves into European club kids doesn’t increase their sex appeal at all, but the producers of Blood and Chocolate seem to think otherwise.
Blood and Chocolate focuses on Vivian, an American werewolf in Romania who is struggles with what she is and what’s expected of her. She’s expected to be taken as the werewolf packleader’s mate for the next seven years, even though Vivian is about twenty years old and Gabriel, the packleader, looks about forty-five. Vivian spends a lot of time moping and wishing her skeevy packleader would pick another girl. Vivian meets Aidan, an American comic artist, who falls for her. Forbidden love blossoms, the werewolves get in the way, and blah blah blah. You know where this is going.
There are a lot of aspects in Blood and Chocolate that should have been cool, but fell flat. The werewolves run an absinthe factory. Vivian works as a chocolatier. The wolves go to hip, underground Romanian clubs and have total control over their transformation, which isn’t the least bit gross as we’ve come to expect. Then once a month, during the full moon, the wolves hunt as a pack. Their victim is some unsuspecting guy they’ve bailed out of jail, someone who is a zit on humanity’s butt and should probably die anyway.
The goal of those aspects was to create a werewolf mystique that’s similar to a vampire mystique. It didn’t work. Why? Because werewolves aren’t sexy! Vampires are sexy; werewolves are furry, slobbery beasts.
Olivier Martinez as Gabriel, Katja Riemann as Astrid and Hugh Dancy as Aidan work with the material they’re given, which isn’t much, and make the most of it. Dancy has some shaky moments where he isn’t that convincing, but his dreamy eyes make up for it. Vivian was played by Agnes Bruckner who was. . . well, Bruckner was there. She seemed to have a problem with emoting. And acting conflicted. And being the least bit threatening.
I have a hard time believing that the problem is solely with the director, Katja von Garnier. She wrote and directed Bandits in 1997, which was basically a prison break musical. Sounds far fetched, but everything from the writing to the acting on it is really good. So why did Blood and Chocolate suck so bad?
I wanted to like Blood and Chocolate, partly to spite Phil Villareal (the local paper’s film critic, who I can’t stand. He hated this movie), but mostly because I liked von Garnier’s previous work so much. I suppose everyone has to do a job to pay the rent.
If Blood and Chocolate shows up on cable, it might be worth watching if you’re stuck at home, doped up on codeine after having your wisdom teeth pulled and there’s nothing else on. Otherwise, read the book.
Lisa Fary's earliest influences are Princess Leia, Rainbow Bright, Astronaut Barbie, and her 6th grade teacher, Ms. Palmer. She's angry that it's 2011 and she still doesn't have a hovercraft, but will accept a jetpack as consolation. That jetpack had better be pink with a rhinestone monogram. 
